I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
