Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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