Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
