I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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