Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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