tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
