Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
