Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
