I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
