She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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