I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
