Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
