just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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