he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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