if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
