is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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