You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
