She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
