did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
