I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
