Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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