yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
