you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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