So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
