omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
