end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize