Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
