How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
