I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Omg I joined a choir last night...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
