he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
