Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
