he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
