I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
