i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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