u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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