It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
