Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
