I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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