I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize