I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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