They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize