I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize