I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Are we still banned from the library?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
