Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
