I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
