He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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