Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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