before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
