3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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