I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
