so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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