he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
