If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
