Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
