i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
