garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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