just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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