are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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