U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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