my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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