hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
