She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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