how can u be prego again
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
