Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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