I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
