My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
