Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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