he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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