I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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