I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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