The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
