If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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