He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
