The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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