OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize