At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
