Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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