Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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