But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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