I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
