She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
