I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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