This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
