i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize