you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.