she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.