So drunk its hurt
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
