yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
