Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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