she smelled like a LAN party
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
