I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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