So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
