sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
