So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
