Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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