All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
