I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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