these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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