when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We don't watch enough power rangers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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