Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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