your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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