I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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