Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
do herpes really smell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
