My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
